I just finished watching Jesus Camp and it was awful...I feel so unsettled after it. (But that might also be due to the fact that it is after 2am and I am still babysitting). I can't put my opinion into words because it is so messed up in my head (and because I am so tired) but I am definitely very cynical, and I am thinking about and doubting alot of different things. 

I felt sorry for the kids in this documentary. I felt like they were being tricked out of their right to choose themselves what they believe. 75% of 'evangelical' christians are homeschooled...that is ridiculous. The only reason for this that I can see is that the parents and the 'evangelical' institutions don't want their kids attending public schools because they know that if they did, they would be exposed to a world where they are free to make they're own decisions. Where they are challenged and questioned and hardened by society. If I weren't a christian and I watched this, or if one of my kids at camp were to watch this, I believe that they would run a mile from the God depicted. Which is the exact opposite of evangelism isn't it?

Scratch that.....car doesn't work so no more Portland. Little bit gutted but as long as I can get a refund maybs this is a blessing in disguise!! I was so pissed off yesterday, even at camp the kids were getting to me. The constant bickering and telling tales, I don't understand it. There has to be a way to allow these kids to see how lucky they are to have their little Camp Peace gang to fall back on all the time. They are going to face alot worse as they grow up so they need to stick together.....

Awesome photo's of my kids...definite keepers!! In the next 2days I have 16hours of driving and a hardcore conference. I haven't even left yet and I am falling asleep alreads! Can I get a red bull please thank you

Holy discontentment...when things in your life are all good from the outside looking in, but inside looking out, things aren't so hot. It's not where God wants you to be. You're not working towards where God wants you to go. I think it is a state of mind we all go through and, as I heard talked about tonight, you have to decide whether to make a radical change or continue with the 'good life'. Either way is God willing, He will use you on either path. 

But I want the dynamic  and radical life. I want to meet new people all the time so I can keep learning about myself and about God. I want to continue finding out what my gifts and strengths are but I want to do that 'on-the-job'. I don't want to waste anymore years of my life training for the job whatever it is. I want to direct Camp Peace. I want to live in South Africa. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTEib4B-QFA

Valentine's day is never a big deal for me....I don't make a big deal over it and I'm not bitter about it. But I had a really nice night tonight with Laura! Saw Step Up 2:the streets and the dancing in that movie is so sick, I loved it! Then we sat in the mall and talked for ages, got a few things off our chests..... just like we did every night last semester. Good times.

Then when I got home and went to bed, I found this little guy on my pillow! A little encouraging pink turtle! 

Praise Jesus! For answered prayer!

There are alot of things I could write about today but I don't want to overshadow the fact that God answers or prayers, in big obvious ways. Jilvan found out today that his dad, who has been absent from his life for the past 4yrs, is coming home. I am so excited for them and cannot wait to meet his dad. And I can't imagine how happy Jilvan and his family are tonight. The last 4yrs of sadness and struggle are forgotten and replaced with excitement for the future. Awesome.

One blog post, 3mins. I am determined to get to sleep tonight. I haven't been able to very well the past few nights because I keep thinking about my future but that is a whole other long-winded entry. Which might never come because I never have that much spare time in one go.

Anyways, I came home the other night (Jon scared the s*** out of me) and we're all sitting around talking, pretty normal but they start to talk about asians in north america, what it means to be first generation or second generation or whatever. I couldn't contribute to the conversation whatsoever. Everybody in Ireland is fully irish because it is one little single culture bubble. I have never struggled with racial or ethnic identity because I am white always having lived in a white world. And you know what....I don't think I am at the advantage. Because I look at the peeps in this conversation and every single one of them probs has a better idea of who they really are than I ever have. Growing up it would seem like I was 10steps ahead, now that I am older I'm back at 'go'. 

For the first time in a long time, God, my Father physically spoke to me today. Loneliness. Hating on myself. Trust Issues. It's all holding me back from accepting the love of Christ and realising it's impact on my life. God is going to help me make the decisions I have to make right now so here's praying I can empty my headspace enough to hear Him and let Him.

"....But while he was still a long ways off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms round him and kissed him." Luke 15:20

God is OUR Father. Even when we are a long ways off the right path or the right decisions, he pursues us and loves us. FACT.

On a lighter note, I nearly started a fire in the Urban Proms kitchen today. Props to Jon who ran up pretty quick when I yelled "Fire"!

Lent starts tomorrow....Bubye Coca-Cola

Today I started to learn to play guitar....half an hour, 4 chords. Haven't a clue what I'm doing. 

Everybody does it now....learns to play guitar. Especially Christians but so what? I am a Christian! 

I spend so long thinking of a title for a post that I lose interest in making the post....dumb! Here's hoping I get better at it! Is quick witty thinking something you can get better at?

My crazy yet very loveable housemates are on a blogging high these days so I hopped on the bandwagon and this is the result. It is a little bit like the evil doll that somebody started hiding in random places all over the house....now we're all doing it. Just last night I turned over to go to sleep and there she was staring back at me.

Maybe if we give her a name she won't be so scary....all suggestions welcome