Hello blog. 

So many times on my little 'roadtrip' vaca I wished I could blog about the things we did and the things we talked about. Although it wasn't even a full week we were away, it felt like so much longer. We saw so so many castles and chased alot of sheep. Blair and I were able to visit the shittiest parts of England and some of the most beautiful parts. I will never forget walking the barren streets of Blackpool desperately trying to salvage the day and I will never forget beautiful Windermere. We looked like hobo's most of the time, read alot, enjoyed unaturally awesome weather, made our own chocolate, made friends with the polish, lived it up in a pretty little B n B  and roughed it up in a broken sleeping bag and smelly boy tent. 

All the elements of a successful and memorable holiday. But boy am I looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight! Definitely more stories to come....

 

Ireland is so beautiful and even though I don't want to stay here for much longer, I will always come back here to visit for the beauty and the quiet and the community. It takes a visitor to appreciate it all!   

Today I  had a driving lesson in the rain and the car broke. Then I had to go to the job centre and sign on for job seekers benefits because I still have no job and no money. Then I got in trouble with my parents for my finances just like I did in high school. Then I went out for dinner that made me feel really sick afterwards. Then I hung out with friends in Belfast but didn't say a word because I felt like I was on the outside of a bubble and all conversation was muffled. I still smiled all day, remained my cheerful self but everything keeps pointing down the 'you're not supposed to be here' road. Was I kidding myself thinking I could stay here for a year? Are my friends and family enough to keep me here? They used to be.

Blair arrives tomorrow.....I get to meet new people and go on a mini roadtrip vacation next week. Just what I need. I keep thinking how awesome it would be if all my Vancouver peeps were coming, we would have so much freakin fun!! 

A new day, a new week and the restoration of our spare room. Emphasis on the work 'spare'. To cut an extremely long story short, 3 occupied bedrooms has been cut down to 2. And instead of seeing a therapist, I found some healing when I started to re-decorate un-occupied bedroom No.3. For the entire day, I played my music, sang out loud, inhaled paint fumes and revamped. Whilst painting, I thought through all the shit in my head because what else do you do when you stare at blocks of colour all day? 8hours and 4 colours later, when I stood back and looked at the beautiful mess I had achieved, it felt like some of the shit had gone. 

So next time you feel trapped or overwhelmed or under prepared or indecisive....re-decorate. Or even just paint a random wall.

Tomorrow....building furniture. With a hammer.

8 out of 10 cats agree's that the name of this blog must change immediately. Whilst channel surfing, I stopped at MTv for a bit where some stupid dating show was showing and from what I can gather, there is one girl and however many guys fighting for her in one bling bling house. 

One of the guys names was 'Tailor Made' 

and my heart sank. 

Unfortunately, my imagination isn't very inspired so I need some helpful suggestions thank you.

In true break up style, while my ex is moving on this first day back at camp, I took the chance to dig out my keepsake box full of photo's, newspaper cuttings, love letters and non-love letters from high school and university. We all have one, even guys keep some things. In one hour I laughed so hard and felt so guilty for some of the stupid things I did and cringed at some of the letters people had sent me back then. In just a few years I have become alot more cynical. Forecast isn't good for my thirties if I'm this cynical at 22.

I'm not worried about my ex though. As Ross once said, we're on a break and that break will be over sooner that you think.

FYI I'm still talking about Vancouver, not an actual boy. Like I would blog on the WORLD WIDE web about my love life. I'm just trying to achieve my goal this week of becoming a literary genius. Next week a movie star. Following week, a judge on X-factor with Simon Cowell.

I'm doing my little feedback thing at church today, telling the congregation all about my experiences in 20mins or something ridiculous like that. So despite all my efforts to move on from constantly thinking about it, I was forced to think about it. And this is what I came up with...

Vancouver broke up with me and now I have to watch it date other people. 

It's hard to come home and find where you belong after such a long time away. For the first time you have a chance to reflect on all that time away from home...university, flying visits home, relationships that go with the flow and a year in Vancouver.

Probably about 11 out of the 12 hours of the day are boring and hard to get through, but every so often you get a little encouragement that lets you know it's going to work out ok with time. Lunch with a friend, interest for a job you didn't think you had a chance of getting, somebody is happy you're back or a message from somebody back home.