I had 2 amazing conversations with 2 amazing friends today. Both conversations were really challenging. I think a few years ago, things were very black and white for me and I always wondered why Christians would over complicate things. Now that I am a little older and further on in my walk with Jesus, I have realised why things get complicated. The closer we get to God and the more familar we are with His message, the more mysterious he becomes at the same time and the more we realise how much we don't actually know at all. So things get complicated, there are more questions, more doubts and more grey area's. But I believe that when we get to heaven, and find out the real answers, we are going to laugh ourselves stupid at the arguements and debates we had because the answers are going to be so simple but so beyond human comprehension.

Conversation one looked a little like....ONCE SAVED ALWAYS SAVED? Faith vs Works. Which is more important? Do they come in hand in hand? Is just one enough? Is it enough to just belive in Jesus? Does it depend on circumstance?

Conversation two went along the lines of putting God at the centre of our relationships. Do I pray enough for those closest to me? Do I pray with those closest to me? Am I scared to voice my opinions on the bible? Am I scared to voice my opinions with my closest friends? Am I scared to admit that I am vulnerable in my faith and that there's alot I am still unsure of? Am I willing to let those closest to me share that vulnerability? Am I willing to let somebody work through it with me?

I also did a little vacuuming today, in my car, and tried to suck up my own eye and a spider. Who would have thought that I would find a kindred spirit in a garbage disposal robot.

What a MAD weekend! You'll only get that if you were one of the thousand young people or youth leaders at MAD 10 this past weekend. I always enjoy worship conferences, and seeing so many young people hearing God's message is inspiring. But it wasn't so good for me this time. Maybe it's because I missed some of my kids who weren't there, or maybe it's because I turned up late, or maybe it's because I've outgrown it.

I love kids and I'm going to spend most of my life I reckon working with and for kids, hopefully all around the world. So I look at these events, the songs they sing, what the speakers talk about, the layout, the program and in my head I am thinking of all these different ways I would do it to make it better. It's a little bit similar to why I don't like buying books geared towards youth workers. Why would you use other people's ideas when you can use your own? Write your own book.

A friend of mine, he is quite special and spends alot of time playing addicting games in a trucker house far far from here. Well he suggested that I write a love letter. Because obviously if I wasn't willing to write lyrics or poetry, I'd be totally excited about writing a love letter. But for a laugh, here are my best attempts...

Dear boyfriend,

"Remember that time we shoplifted together? It was the moment you took my hand and we ran away from security together that I knew I wanted to be with you forever."

"I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you, with reference to our first meeting on 21st October. Our love affair would be on probation for 6months, and pending on compatibility would be made permanent. On completion of probation, there would be regular on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from boyfriend to spouse. I request that you would kindly respond within 21days of recieving this letter. It would be greatly appreciated if you could forward this onto your very cute lifeguard brother , if you do not wish to take up this offer."

"I love you. Oh baby, oh baby. You make me whole again. You are the wind beneath my wings. It's you in the morning, afternoon and night. I can't imagine life without you. Oh baby, oh baby"

Love debs xoxo

(I think I prefer chocolate and beer to love letters.)

It's been a week and I have no thoughts worth blogging about. Or at least no thoughts I'm willing to post on the internet. I could write a song but that would be lame. I could write a poem but that aint my style. I could write an article on something I'm passionate about like world peace but I'm too lazy. I could make up an entry to make my life seem more exciting but I already tried that. I'm fresh out of idea's. I need some inspiration.

So inspire me...

Today I got out of bed and somebody had made me my favourite breakfast. Warm weetabix, yoghurt and toast with fresh squeezed orange juice. I changed into my pretty new clothes and hopped in the car (because I passed my driving test) and I drove into Belfast to meet up with my 4 awesome girlfriends who were able to spontaneously take a day off work so we could all get our hair done. I drove back to Lisburn, with my shiny new hair to stop at church. When I got there, my minister was able to tell me about the churches new proposal to extend the building to make a youth department with a new sports hall and study rooms and offices. As if this day couldn't get any better, when I went back to my car there was a paper bag beside the front wheels with cash in it. Enough cash for me to book flights to go see all my friends all over the world that I miss so much. Enough cash that my parents were no longer worried about me and fully supported me.

This entire entry is a lie.

tired adj; out of patience, exhausted of strength and energy, bored or over-used.

I'm really tired. I have written this entry and deleted it constantly all day trying to put into words the last 48hours. And the only thing I can write with confidence is 'I'm tired'. I fought with my church, my friend and my parents. I'm tired of having to stand up for myself to the people who should be fighting my corner. I'm tired of not trusting anybody. I'm tired of feeling defeated. I'm tired of waiting and I'm tired of worrying that things aren't going to work out. I'm tired of going to bed downheartened and waking up and pulling the duvet back over me head.

Can I go to bed and wake up the day I get on a plane out of here please?

There is a small room in the basement of First Lisburn Presbyterian Church. A lonely room, understated and rarely used. One day, 2 talented, gifted young adult leaders at the church decide to turn the room into a sweet ass prayer room, paint the walls with verses, fill it with cushions and low lights, create an atmosphere that feels far away and cut off from the inevitable hustle and bustle surrounding a city centre church.

It serves it's purpose and the room is no longer lonely and understated, it is vibrant and alive. The youth of the church feel safe in this room surrounded by God's words. A room customised for their needs.

Another day, months later and unbeknown to the young growingly frustrated young adult leaders of the church, session decides that the red, white and blue colours of the room are too political and should be painted over. The room lost it's personality that day, as quickly as it gained it. The youth small groups were stripped of the one space that was theirs. And for what?

That is the story of how one room can tip the scales. That room, in a way, symbolised what we wanted to offer our youth at our church but it was destroyed. No consultation, no warning, no discussion. How long can we keep trying to make this church what it can be?

I read the perfect devotional this morning. I woke up and the sun was blazing through the window, it made me so happy that I literally hopped out of bed. I grabbed a random daily devo book that I had followed during final year @ university and sat outside fighting the thoughts of another long unexciting day.

So I open the book, 8th October and it talks about feeling despondent in life and praying for help to use your time wisely. Remind you of anybody....downhearted.....bored....Debs? I need to be steadfast and immovable in my determination to seek out the work that is His will for my life. So in tune with where my head is at. It really encouraged me to smile and embrace the day.

And it didn't turn out too badly.

Father,

I am so glad you have blessed us with unique character traits that keep giving us the power we need and that keep sustaining us in the midst of inevitable hardships. Thank you for the fruits of the spirit, peace and patience, that you make so readily available to us. It is only through endurance that these gifts shine through. With them, we can process both the exciting and unwelcome events in our lives with a more godly understanding which in turn helps us to trust your ways and your timing. By trusting you instead of our changing circumstances, we find changeless grace and abiding peace.

Amen

Frustration; 1. To feel nullified, discouraged, confused.

                       2. To feel prevented from accomplishing a purpose or fulfilling a desire.

What is the opposite? Content? Satisfied? Elated?

And how do you find it amidst everything and everyone that frustrates you? Do you take a risk, get up and go without a plan or do you wait it out? If you sit every evening and write a list of everything you have been blessed with, can you trick your human nature into focusing on God and his blessings first? 

Yesterday was a day for the record books in terms of things that could go wrong. Whatever I touched, broke or spilt or nearly died. It's a little bit like one compartment in my life shifted all of a sudden and now the other compartments are trying to catch up or adjust or figure out what on earth is going on! By the end of the day all you could do was laugh, or else you would cry!!

Blair left this morning....I spent the afternoon feeling pretty lowsy really wishing that my flight out of here was alot sooner. Like tomorrow!