Retreat 2008 is over and Summer Camp starts in T-1 days. It was awesome to be back @ Rollie's and be reminded of how beautiful the earth is but there was a very different dynamic to my personal retreat this year. Last time I was one of the new interns, more excited than ever and this year, as a staff member, I am somewhat reserved (4!) and less excited. I think the new group is great and I am so thankful for their energy because it serves as a reminder to those who have been around for longer that UrbanPromise is awesome and our purpose is just. But I feel like I am distancing myself for my own safety....I gotta check out in less than 2 months so why make it harder than it is already going to be?? I think it is a skill to be able to continuously invest in new people despite the fact that you know they will only be in your life temporarily. To not fear goodbye's. It's all about being present. 

As for Camp Peace Remix....I am looking forward to being with the kids again and to run my own program but I need to be more excited. For me to achieve my personal goals this summer I need to be more motivated to put Remix first and all the other shit second. 

What are my goals this summer? Just quickly....

1. Develop my Leadership and Apostleship skills in preparation for future missions.

2. Spend more time with God through Prayer, taking time to go back over the past few years of my life and pray for all those things that have shaped me into the person I am....good and bad. 

3. Continue seeking Peace of mind.

4. Give myself and my kids Closure before I leave.

5. Fight the voices of the enemy and the man that are so loud inside my head.

6. Explore and apply the idea of Mercy and Pastoring in my life.

7. Spend quality time with the people and kids who have impacted me over the past year.

8. Be present and make the most of it!

The Sunday before the Monday. As we speak, friends, 12 new people are entering the UrbanPromise world and starting their 7week summer internship. That was me last year. And now I am on the other side, behind the scenes, on the inside track etc etc. 

The challenge over the next few weeks will be to embrace a new dynamic instead of worrying over losing the old one. But that is not even the biggest problem....my unbelievable stomach cramps are. They are unreal. No matter what way you sit or lie down it still hurts. If childbirth is anything like this, I will never have a family. So on my Sunday before the Monday, I'm probs going to complain alot and sleep little. 

Another random snippet from my life

Things you would not do on the kitchen table.....

Make fannypacks, Sell fannypacks, urinate, poop, cut your toenails and your girlfriends mother.

Imagine that you're always tired even though you get enough sleep, scientifically. Also imagine that when you get tired one of your eyes does this funny pink eye thing that gives the impression that you are in some way infected. And finally imagine that you just figured out you only have 2 days give or take to plan your 6week program. And staff orientation. And back-ups. 

Am I not eating properly? Am I stressed without realising it? Am I over excited and in denial? 

Or am I actually infected?

Ok so first week of orientation is nearly finito and, man, it was tough. The days were long and everything seemed so complicated. If I hadn't already been through a summer as an intern, I would be freaking out right about now.

As the after-camp care program director, my responsibilities and prep load are more laid back. Less stressful. This has advantages and disadvantages mind. It puts you in this crazy in between space where you're on a different level in terms of everything...programming, scheduling, team management, budgeting, numbers, administration. Sometimes you're not sure of what you're supposed to be doing and other times you're frustrated not having as much as other people to be doing. And the flip side...I have way more time to think about what I can do with my program. I'm able to spend more time researching my bible lessons and group activities so that I can get as much as possible out of this summer for my kids. My smaller staff team allows me to really get to know them, be more relational in the way that I manage my camp. Which, for anyone who knows me, knows thats the way I roll.

Will it all work out when new interns come and program starts? Hopefully, yes. As long as I can become comfortable in where I am and confident in what I'm doing. Paranoia is the enemy.

Life is good when you can wake up at 7:30am on your week off and happily get up and get going. You have a new lease of life since you got that tatoo you wanted, you have your Tim Hortons double doube and you're excited to have a weekend with nothing to do. 

Then you get out of your awesome 20min shower to millions of missed calls on your cell because one of your kids is in the nurse's office asking for you. Problem is, you don't live at UrbanPromise anymore, it takes you 30mins to get into East Van. So you throw your wet hair under a hat, grab a tshirt from the suitcase because you haven't unpacked anything yet since moving and run for the bus which obviously stops at every red light on the way. 

Now I'm sitting at my favourite table in the world at the UP house, typing my blog while people are moving everything around me. More sofa's, changing the pictures, changing the calenders, ripping stuff down, carpet smells of industrial cleaner etc etc.

What's the point of this entry? To let y'all know that things are a-changing in the Vancouver chapter and I haven't decided how I feel about it yet. Peace out homes. 

I moved out of the Urbs Prom house yesterday and it was strangely satisfying to get up this morning and have to travel to work. It sucked that I had to go into work my first day of vacation but at least I had to travel there. I had some sweet times in the intern house and I learned alot about community but it's past time to leave. What I learnt about community and perseverance is forever ingrained into my soul. It's a word I never used very muchos before the Vancouver chapter but now it is something I will apply to my life everywhere I go.

I also had all my evaluations/appreciations last week which were awkward, naturally. I felt very much like the little sister/young padawan which is good. It's cool knowing that you have peeps watching out for you but sometimes you want to just be on an equal playing field. One of the biggest challenges for me this summer will be establashing myself on that playing field.