Today I proved that Christmas can be done in a day, more or less. All you need is one day off work and a car. Don't get up too early or you'll fade early. It's all about endurance. Coffee number one and a cereal bar to go. Hit up downtown first, free parking at church (sweet!). Lodge some money in the bank, buy some gifts in the bookstore. Coffee number two to go. Drive out to Marks & Spencers, your darling place of employment. Wear a stylish hat or sunglasses so nobody notices you and realises how lame you are being in work on your one day off. Can I help it if the bloody place sells everything? Buy your stocking fillers (3 for the price of 2), family gifts, christmas flowers, turkey, pudding, mince pies and mulled wine all on 20% staff discount. Things start to get busy at this point and chances are a complete moron will be manning the checkout you choose so pick a fun aisle to queue down (hint:not the pet food aisle). Coffee number 3 to go. Quick stop at the chemist for painkillers.

Now its the big one, what you have dreaded all day. Tescos. For international readers, that would be grocery store. The traffic to get into the carpark is right round the roundabout a mile away. Have a festive CD in your car to play at this point. It's dog eat dog in there, no time for Christmas spirit or manners, just go go go. Grab everything, never look peeps in the eye, its full on trolley wars. 2 hours later all the food for Christmas dinner is bought, packed and loaded into the car. Coffee number 4 to go. Stop at a friends house for some free food and review the situation. Back into town for any gifts you have forgotten as well as wrapping paper and card.

Back home. Into your pjs, stick Love actually on the TV, hot chocolate on the side, wrap all your presents, stick em under the tree and you're good to go.

I should work in the North Pole.