It was our senior youth retreat this weekend. It's always a wierd feeling when you get home from a weekend away but this time it's different and I'm not exactly sure why. The past few months, with my faith, I've been working on letting things go. Taking stuff out of my head and putting it in God's hands and trusting that it'll be ok. And it's been good, I've seen things turn out ok and it's been encouraging. But the challenge, I guess, is continuing to leave those things in God's hands and out of your head.

Things will always come back to haunt you, to make you doubt yourself and the people around you. It's really hard to look back on what's happened in the past and not say 'why did I react that way' or 'why didn't I do that instead'. I think I've said before that life is a balancing act. As a christian, we have to constantly find a balance between accepting the grace of God and His forgiveness without taking it for granted, trusting God with everything that troubles us without becoming complacent, serving God without letting our faith grow cold, setting good examples without becoming self righteous and still learning from Jesus' examples, resisting temptations but still enjoying life.

And it's really hard because once you get ahead with one thing, you're reminded of something else you have forgotten. All in our search for holistic living. Sometimes I doubt myself as a leader because there are so many things I haven't mastered yet...but if I wait until I do, then I'm never going to be a leader. And I love being a leader.