It's been a pretty long time since I posted. When in actual fact I have started to write numerous posts without publishing. It would actually be incredibly hard to blog everyday. I'm not in a place to offer any pearls of wisdom or nuggets of advice. Very few appropriate funny things have happened me of late. None of y'all want to hear about what irritates me these days because the list is endless...a little like my to-do list!

I'm stuck in that really annoying intro to the song. There's the beat and a vague tune in the background but there's a good 60secs before you hit the good stuff. But you're driving and can't fast forward on the ipod so you have to listen to it. Nothing to sing along too, nothing to dance too, just cruising and waiting (semi) patiently!

THIS IS EXACTLY WHERE MY LIFE IS AT.

A colleague advised me to write a short book all about Tuesdays today. I must complain about them more than I realize. Today alone, I can confidently conclude that the best way to survive the Tuesday blues is to avoid...

1. Getting on the wrong side of a friend. Tuesday is bad enough with adding out of date salt to the chips.

2. Buying DVD players that stop working on Tuesday morning during Friends. Especially when you just got your hands on the full seasons 1-10 on boxset.

3. Wearing skinny jeans with pumps to work where you play tennis and soccer on a regular basis.

4. Watching all your weekend TV on Monday. You have no choice but to embrace the Tuesday so you may as well save something to pass the time.

5. Going home at all costs. If your name is debs, 23yrs old, capricorn, likes sushi....then the quality of your mood correlates indirectly with the number of hours spent at home in the day.

I want to tell you about a little guy, Ned, aged 4, blonde hair and blue eyes.

He is the first kid that turns up to program, and the last kid to leave. He was the first kid I met and not one day goes by where he doesn't make me smile. Every t shirt he owns has the word 'surf' on front and he likes to slide over the floor telling everybody to "look at my belly". He likes to throw cookies at brand new computer screens and every new person that comes through the door he likes to grab onto, tell secrets too and make his new best friend. He likes to start something new every 5mins and likes to use scissors in every activity, including basketball. He thinks to score a goal in soccer you have to throw the ball and the goalie has to catch it. He likes to play badminton but the racket he uses is taller than he is. He paints outside the lines. He makes me read a story about Noddy and a bunch of chickens everyday. So far he has introduced me to 7 imaginary friends, all called Ziggy and he doesn't have an indoor voice.

I really wish I was 4 again and that the only thing I had to worry about was having enough time to play with Ziggy before bed at 7:30pm!

The Boomerang Generation.

Basically this is the official term for those of us who have been forced back home after years of freedom because we have no money. We are broke because of student loans and overdrafts, we can't get jobs because there institutions are firing instead of hiring and in the years leading up to financial crisis, we have grown accustomed to a consumerist lifestyle that we can no longer support. I'll admit that I took student loans un-necessarily and now I'm paying the price.

Here's some facts......to get on the property ladder today, I would need about £40,ooo deposit. I have round about £17,000 student debt. The average starting salary for a graduate is £24,000. I still have one more year of school to put myself through so do the maths and work out potentially how long it could be before I get out of here! Thank goodness for renting.

I paint a very dull picture but it's not all bad. The practical advantages of living at home probably far outweigh the disadvantages. But it messes with your headspace. The independance that you lose is a hard hit, and I struggle to find ways to maintain that independance and the maturity that stems from that. But at the end of the day I share a car and a house with my family, similar to when I was at school. When I have done so much since school. Somedays it feels like all my adventures since turning 18 were a dream!

But for now, I'm happy enough and I will work my way through the year and make a tiny dent in the debt. There is little use worrying about it because it's not going to go away!

Today my facebook status stood as "Monday should be an adjective". It's a word that embodies many many things but I think I nailed it. I just sat staring out my window for 16 minutes and 13secs without even realizing. I know this for certain because I listened to Jimmy Eat World's Goobye Sky harbour completely. I never get past the first 5mins, but, because it is Monday I was able to because I was tired, the weekend is still too far away to get excited about, I was bored and generally life was so completely un-interesting that there was nothing better to do. I was Monday. The world was Monday. In simpler terms....

Mondays is likened to a disease. Have you caught a case of the Mondays? Like mumps. Or sniffles.

If Monday was a CD.....Daniel Powter Bad day, Eminem Kill You, Terra Naomi Vicodin Song, Blurry Puddle of Mudd.

If Monday was a color it would be mustard.

If Monday was a pair of shoes it would be loafers.

But, at the end of the day...Tuesdays are actually worse!

Rage. Anxiety. Contentment.

3 feelings, states of mind, emotions that are predominant in my life of late. At any one time, you will find me either completely angry at the world, often instigated by something minor or worried sick about something usually out of my control or simply content to lock myself away in my bedroom and let the world pass by with relatively no bother.

Then you get a big slap in the face. You realize that your being ridiculous raging out at the world because it gets you nowhere and definitely does not bring out the best in you. You realize that there is no point worrying because things work themselves out in the end always. Or reality hits and you have to leave your bedroom and deal with what's outside whether it's people or your job or a to-do list miles long dating back to June.

Call Vodafone.
Call the bank.
Email back the 52 people who contacted you over the summer.
Fill in that pile of forms sitting on the floor beside your desk.
Read the 7 books you bought for summer reading.
Laundry.
Scrub the stain off your carpet that looks like your cat pooped on it.
Sort out all the crap you stuffed under your bed over the summer just to get rid of it.
Stop being lazy and go for a run.
Develop the 693 photo's you've been storing since Christmas.
Take up all your work pants so you don't look like a kid pretending to be an adult at work.
Delete or watch everything you taped on sky plus over the summer.
Write in your journal.

And now I have successfully un-inspired myself to blog.

I start my new job tomorrow. After-Schools Program Supervisor. And I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty nervous and I'm more disappointed that summer is over than excited about program.

I really cannot wait until heaven and a chance to actually understand life on earth. I spend more time confused than I do any other feeling. Sometimes it is angry confused, sometimes it's funny confused and sometimes it is completely clueless confused but it is always confused. I can never work out why some things happen and I can't work why other things don't happen. The littlest things bother me yet the big things don't phase me. Is it me or is it the man? Who has the problem? If it's the man, I'll fight them. And win.

Either way....I need a therapist more this week than I did 2 weeks ago. Or anger management classes.

Today I met a potential suitor. I don't know his name but I do know that he was wearing a striking yellow vest and a red tie with a suspicious yet intriguing odour. He smoothly opened the conversation outside of church, inquiring as to what time the service starts. The service was over. He then asked if I was Ben's girlfriend. Ben is 14 and one of my bestie's little brothers so that was awkward. He then asked Sean if I was his girlfriend and Sean said yes and stroked my head, a little like one would do to a dog. Yellow vest dude then proceeded to say....

"...I know I'm past my sell by date and I'll probably get a slap but if I was 50 years younger I would ask for your phone number..."

This isn't the end of the story. He ran away, a little like geoffrey leonard the paedophile, and we laughed really hard. It was the funniest thing. But yellow vest dude came back out and started to quote Romeo and Julliet to us before running away into the distance without even a name. All I know is that he was great and believed in love at first sight.

I need a therapist.

Young leaders are completely under-estimated in church. They are this amazing untapped resource of fresh outlooks, fresh ideas and fresh grasps on life. When you find yourself in leadership for a few years, without realizing, you enter this downward spiral of cynicism and emotional fatigue. You see young leaders step up to the plate with enthusiasm and passion and you remember a time when you were just like that. You begin to wonder when you lost that and if it is too late to get it back.

Short answer is it's not. The solution is to learn from these new leaders and follow their example. You have built into their lives and now they are stepping out on their own and the tables turn a little bit. They are now friends. Bro's and sista's in Christ for life! Do not think less of them because they are young.

I've been truly inspired by my team in Toronto and I am going to have an outlook makeover. I'm going to pray that God would strip away all that is not of Him like lethargy and indifference and restore my passion and my devotion and my excitement.

"...Keep a close watch on how you live and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right for the sake of your salvation and the salvation of those who hear you." 1 Timothy 4:16

My time in Toronto. In bullet points.

Walking. 2 blisters in the worst places but alot of good conversation time.

Speculation. People like to think they know what is going on but they really don't.

Journals. I love writing in my journal, it's one of the only ways I take time to think through things so to see the team spend time writing in their own journals and others was awesome!

Devos. One of the highlights of everyday. There is something really special when a group of Christians can come together everyday and give something up to God. It is such an integral part of healthy Christian community.

Smellyness. Everybody, girls and boys, had smelly suitcases when we were coming home. Really smelly. I went through an entire bottle of febreeze and I didn't bring enough clothes.

Packed Lunches. Jam sandwiches, yoghurt and fruit vs Bagel with cream cheese. The daily decision.

Ketchup Hair. I use this term to sum up all the ridiculous things that happened, all in good appropriate fun. All the funny little things that, no matter how well you use words, cannot be fully justified in writing.

Tim Hortons. Morning run, afternoon fix and a pick me up in the evening. Large double double thanks.

Tiny Summer Camps. Camp Peace Toronto 17 vs Camp Peace Vancouver 120. It was a very wierd adjustment. But a positive one.

Tattoos. No I didn't get another one but we had lots of fun drawing them on with biro. I can still see outlines all over my legs!

Haunted Churches. I do not know what was going on in that church or who was going on, but bibles open all over the floor, freaky assed music boxes playing in the bathroom, flickering lights and banging shower doors. WIERD.